The Ocean

Last week, my husband and I were finally able to get away for a few days to celebrate our anniversary. We chose to go to California -- the San Diego area because neither of us had been to that part of the state. It was wonderful. We were very impressed with the variety of things to do and the beauty in that area. Everything was blooming and looked fresh! It was gorgeous.

Of course, one of the biggest excitements for this land-locked midwest girl was to see the ocean. When I see the ocean, I am always reminded of the power of God's creation. How can anyone stand beside the ocean and not be in awe of its power? It's beauty? It's sheer force? And yet, God is above all that I saw and experienced with my human eyes. Amazing.

Isaiah 51:15 says, "I am the Lord your God, who churns up the sea so that its waves roar--the Lord Almighty is his name."

I was reminded of God's power and glory several times during my trip to California. When we stood beside the ocean, when we saw all the variety of His creation. When we saw the beauty in the sunset. When we were flying over the Rocky Mountains and the Grand Canyon. His power and his beauty and splendor were all around us. (I know all of that is here in Kansas too - it is just different :-) It just doesn't look like this...

I am so grateful to have gotten away and had time to spend with my husband. But, I am also grateful for the opportunity to experience and enjoy more of God's creation. Good times indeed.

My thoughts this week

I know my posts haven't been regular lately. I have several posts I am working on. Some are written. Waiting to be edited. And this week it is hard to know what to say after seeing what is going on across the ocean in Japan. I was reading several of the blogs I regularly read and found one that says exactly what I am feeling. Check out her blog... sarahmarkley.com.

Blessings.

I don't remember signing up for this...

I remember when we found out we were going to be parents. Going on 16 years ago. Wow. So hard to believe how fast the time has gone. Anyway, not long after I found out I was pregnant, I went and bought the "bible" for pregnancy, "What to Expect When You are Expecting." And let me just say, I am not getting paid to endorse this book, but seriously it is the best pregnancy book ever. Truly. Especially for a hypochondriac woman who tends to have periods of anxiety. Tailor made for a woman like me.

Anyway, that book was great during my pregnancy. I would start having leg cramps. I would look up "What to Expect in the whatever Month" and bingo...it would tell me to expect leg cramps. Loved it. It gave me confirmation and comfort and eased my mind. It helped me get through pregnancy five times.

Then you prepare you the birth. You take "birthing classes." Then you take "breastfeeding classes." Then you take "newborn classes." We were ready. Then you have the baby...

Fast forward fifteen years. We now have five children. A teenager. A pre-teen. Two in the middle and a toddler. They don't have a "What to Expect" book for this part of parenting. Situations arise all the time that I don't expect. And there isn't an all inclusive book that tells me exactly how to handle the situation. (Okay, I know some of you out there who read my blog might be thinking... the bible. But, last I checked the bible didn't directly address what to do when your boys squirt red ooze on the white carpet.) UGH! I don't remember signing up for this....

I tell people who are newly pregnant to enjoy their pregnancy and childbirth. And especially enjoy childbirth. It is the easiest part of being a parent. You have a team of professionals surrounding you and helping make you comfortable and monitoring every little thing. And the best part...you are actually encouraged to take drugs to help make it through the process!

Some days...

...you got it and some days you don't. The words aren't coming this week. I am not quick with the thoughts and the motivation to process my world isn't happening. Life is still going on. But the need to share and philosophize...not so much. I know it will return. I will feel the need to write again. It may be later today. So stay tuned. In the mean time, have a blessed week.

...and Liberty for all...

One of my favorite experiences from my recent trip to NYC in December was our visit to the Statue of Liberty. I had seen the Statue of Liberty last time I visited NYC, but we had just taken the boat tour around it and did not actually go to Liberty Island and walk around it...etc....

It is quite simply awesome. It was an iconic moment. I felt the same way when I saw Mount Rushmore and when I visited the monuments in Washington, D.C. And I am sure I will feel the same way when I see the Grand Canyon...

It was also an inspiring and humbling moment for me knowing what the Statue of Liberty represents to so many people -- knowing the sacrifices immigrants all over the world made to climb on a boat (or fly on an airplane) and head to the USA where they would see Lady Liberty for the first time -- and knowing when they entered the harbor they were excited and happy because of the hope America would give them.

My entire visit to NYC reminded me of the great melting pot that is the United States. And our visit to the Statue of Liberty was no exception. At one point we tried to get someone to take our picture with the Manhattan skyline in the background, but we could not find anyone who was speaking English. (It was a little surreal for a girl from the heartland and a southern belle.) But it was inspiring too. Visitors from all over the world visit NYC, pay their money, go through airport-level security, board a ferry and head out to an island to visit an old copper monument. Why? I believe it is because of what it represents to the world. Okay, maybe it is because it is expected you visit the Statue of Liberty when you visit NYC. And I realize it is an expected visit. But, I do think it became a "must do experience" because of what it represents.

My continued hope as I process and reflect on this experience (and also my visit to Ellis Island) is the people and lawmakers in our nation will never become complacent (or worse, apathetic) about the freedom and liberty we experience in this great country. People from other lands value it and respect it and honor it and want it. Hopefully, we will always do the same.

The Wonderful Wizard of Oz

You know the classic story of the Wizard of Oz. In the end, everyone finds out the "wizard" is an just an ordinary man with no magical powers at all. We learn he is exactly like everyone else.

As I think about his character, I realize his claim to fame was he had convinced everyone in the land of Oz he had extraordinary powers and he was a wizard who could solve all their problems. But, in reality, it was all a facade.

Which leads me to the realization of how we are a lot like the "Wizard of Oz." Most of us live behind some kind of facade. We wear masks. We convince people we have it all together. And we may even convince ourselves.

So, why do we live behind the masks? Why do we put up a facade? Why don't we live in a place of authenticity? Why do we try and convince others we are something we are not?

I know there may be several reasons. But I think the most pervasive reason is fear. Fear of judgment. Fear of rejection. Fear of conflict. Fear of condemnation. Fear. It is a powerful element in our lives.

But fear does not come from a relationship with God. Jesus taught us that perfect love casts away all fear. And yet, we live in fear and even at times embrace it.

I guess I am at the point in my life where I don't want to live in fear anymore. I want to live an authentic life. I want to take off the masks and tear down the facade.

I believe God came to give us an abundant life. And I don't think the abundant life has room any room for fear. And I am convinced the abundant life is characterized by authenticity.

What are your thoughts?

February 17, 1999

We pulled into the driveway. We were meeting at our friends house for a bible study. After the study we were going to celebrate my husband's birthday. I had come out earlier in the day to bring the party goods. It was going to be a good night. A fun and simple birthday celebration following bible study.

As we pulled into the driveway, Chris came out the door. He was crying. He told us the news. The police had just left. There had been an accident. Tina and Caitlin had been killed.

No one is ready for this news. No one is ready to hear that a friend has been killed. Let alone that her eleven year old daughter was dead too. It takes a while to even process news like this. It is weird and confusing and makes you feel as if you are dreaming.

I remember one of the first things I did after hearing the news was start to clean up the birthday party stuff. That was weird too. Here we were planning a party to celebrate my husband's life and two lives were gone.

I stayed there all night. That was the only night I can ever remember where I stayed up all night long. It was an endless night full of every kind of emotion. It is a night I will not forget.

Time is such an interesting dimension in life. In some ways, that night seems like a lifetime ago. So much in my life has changed since then. It seems so far away. And in other ways, it seems like just yesterday. I still remember in detail so much of that night. So many emotions from the grieving process. And then there are the memories of Tina and Caitlin which still come rushing back. Tears still come to my eyes.

I still miss her and her authenticity. Her spiritual perspective. Her giving spirit and her willingness to help others. And of course her laugh. She had an amazing laugh.